Pessimism: What a Drag

    
Have you ever had your optimism quashed by the "glass-half-empty" counterpart? We both know it can hurt. Honestly, the worst part is that the person almost always has positive intention behind their words. The delivery of the message is the faulty component. For the sake of this argument, we will consider only the well-intentioned person, as the purposefully cynical opposer requires a different approach.

    One of the hardest conversations to handle constructively is the "Oh, you just wait until..." rhetoric. Wait until you are married, then you will see! Besides relationships, you can here the same argument in relation to a job, school, children, and more. For me, these can steer me down the long, arduous path of dread about what the rest of my life looks like. Why does my conversational partner want to damper my excitement and optimism with a seemingly brutal retort? One thing I have learned for certain is that this dynamic does not represent a person trying to dismantle my happiness and joy. People who are older, wiser, or garner more life experiences, good and bad, hope to impart some wisdom onto those they care for. In a way, it seems to me that the intention is more to prevent the optimistic individual from being hurt in their possible naivety for life and love.

    Is this dampening of optimism truly benefiting the two people conversing? Do we often leave a conversation on this topic feeling confident and cool about the future? For me, the answer is no. A leveling of expectations has to be done with careful accuracy concerning tone and diction. More important still is the relationship between the two participants. Hearing that your thoughts may be missing a vital component for analysis from a dear friend, trusted professor, or parent is markedly different than hearing these same ideas from an unfamiliar classmate, or a customer at your place of work. All these grammatical implications influence the impact of one's words, and make a world of difference between an insensitive accusation and an impactfully shared concern. 

    When delivered compassionately, I actually enjoy being challenged in my beliefs and assumptions about experiences I have yet to forge. Loved ones who have experienced more than us, in any facet, are our best example of a life lived authentically with mistakes and successes. When I feel another adult being vulnerable with me, sharing their wrongdoings and accomplishments, I cherish it greatly. Community, especially close relationships that foster honest communication, is the key to living happily with all the ups and downs along the way. 

    As for those who warn to "wait until....", I will reiterate the wise words of Electric Light Orchestra: "Don't bring me down... Gross!". More seriously, I hope I can continue to foster relationships with others that allow these uncomfortable "wait until" conversations to transform into meaningful dialogues about personal errors and joys that can make my life choices that much more well-informed.